The SoBros Mailbag 283: Favorite Nashville Honky Tonks and Why People Are Dumb

Gather 'round. This week's SoBros Mailbag is here!

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Let’s face it – every day we are routinely bombarded with questions. When you’re an emerging media company in Nashville, people just want to know what your opinions are on everything. It’s only natural. And, since our duty is to serve the people, well, we have no choice but to be present. That’s the SoBro Way. Also, aren’t mailbags just a barrel of laughs anyway? Welcome to the newest weekly recurring feature up in this bitch: The SoBros Mailbag. As always, hit us with those mailbag questions @SoBrosNetwork on Twitter, email ’em to me anonymously at thesobrosnetwork@gmail.com. And, holy shit, I need to update this terrible intro paragraph that I’ve been using literally ever since I started writing this column…

Question:

Answer:

I think we live in a really interesting time due to the rapid advances in technology we’ve witnessed over the last 20-30 years and ‘No Child Left Behind’ from the early 2000s. So, we have this older generation struggling to keep up with technology and a younger generation whose sole purpose in education was to pass a standardized test. I know I’m way oversimplifying this, but I don’t want to turn this Mailbag into a 50,000 word essay. I actually talked to our buddy RHog about conducting a legit research paper on it just because I think it would be funny for me to put on my resumé like “yes, I write legitimate research papers and also articles about people getting their toes sucked in the parking lot.” My mother was an educational professional for decades. After retiring, I’ve had conversations with her about how crazy all of the standardized testing is, and how a lot of parents don’t really hold their kids accountable to become decent human beings anymore. So, the result is this entire generation that knows how to guess a multiple choice answer correctly, but can’t interact normally with strangers. I’m going unusually hard on young people today for some reason. My bad.

Question:

Answer:

Thank you for respecting and acknowledging my skill as a real artist. When I make art, I do my best work alone, when I can lock in and immerse myself in the work itself. I’ve always found it harder to produce with someone else present, so I can’t imagine the anxiety actually holding someone else’s finger would bring me. I’m going to say the cock painting would be the better product, and now, the idea is in my head to actually paint something with my cock. Stay tuned for my next art show.

Question:

Answer:

Travis, I think they kill me and eat my body for sustenance within a week.

Question:

Answer:

I love Robert’s – it’s the one place on Broadway you may still be able to talk me into on a Friday night. It’s old Nashville to me…reminds me of the good old days. I would put Tootsies on the list as well because of its history – it’s always been so damned crowded, but at least some of that has been alleviated since they’ve added the rooftop bar. It’s one spot that everyone who visits us from out of town wants to go to…a real Nashville institution. To round out my top 3, I’m going with Losers downtown because it’s a little more intimate…since it’s tucked away around the corner from Broadway, it’s usually a little more low key and you can catch your breath in a place like that.

Question:

Answer:

First of all, I would be down to try this. Maybe this is just me being a fat piece of shit, but I don’t think 9 hot dogs would be a problem at all. There were times in my younger days when I would just casually eat 6 hot dogs at dinner when I was hungry for no good reason. It’s the beer that would be tricky to me. 9 beers alone sounds like a lot to process….can’t even remember the last time I had 9 beers! I think it would add up quickly in unison with the hot dogs and we’d be S-T-R-U-G-G-L-I-N-G by the 5th inning.

Keep the questions coming – catch y’all next week!

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.

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