Galaxy Brain: Simply Call the Police to Make Stealing a Car Legal

If you ever find yourself needing to steal a car, simply call the cops to report the incident and request they make it legal.

Share This Post

I’ll tell you guys what – it never ceases to amaze me how creative the criminal underworld can get in order to further their schemes and agendas. I mean, hey – it’s a cold tough world for everyone out there in these streets these days. You gotta do what you gotta do to survive. I’m not passing any judgment! I’m simply making an observation that just like everything else on this Earth, you have to adapt with the times or you get left behind. The criminals in Florida are no different! Courtesy of this story from Pix11, a Florida woman called the cops to report herself while she was attempting to steal a car.

“The 37-year-old told deputies she was being trained in a game of Black Ops to steal a car, but called authorities to make her carjacking legal.”

I love the move. When in doubt, always throw the term ‘Black Ops’ around. It’s mysterious. You can justify just about anything with it. And, it instantly explains why the police attempting to arrest you don’t know what’s going on. “Oh, you didn’t hear? Sorry, but this is Black Ops.” You combine that with the purpose of stealing a car, and it’s great. You’re essentially telling the police that you’re trying to steal this car, but it’s not actually stealing…you’re just on a mission. It’s for the country! You ask the cops, “you are patriots, aren’t you?” I’m telling you…there’s a million different ways you can take this and in theory, it is pure brilliance.

People are always so quick to judge, especially Florida people, in situations like this. But, holy shit – what if it had worked? What if this lady had encountered the right cops? Like, the cops from Trailer Park Boys. You’re telling me those guys wouldn’t have fallen for it? Worst case scenario, you’re just going back to jail, which from the story, sounds like she’s been through that before. Best case scenario, you’ve got a brand new car and the cops aren’t even calling it in because they think it’s a Black Ops training mission. It’s a gamble. It’s a dice roll. That’s for sure. But….I ask again…what if it had worked?

Image courtesy of Scott Rodgerson on Unsplash!

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.

SoBros Network and Stacking The Inbox have teamed up for the greatest premium content collaboration in the history of Nashville. Get all of the Tennessee Titans and NFL Draft coverage you need on top of premium SoBros Network content such as The Movie Review Rewind Podcast, Sports Punch, and much more! Only $5/month gets you instant access to an exhaustive content library of articles, podcasts, and videos created exclusively for our subscribers! Sign up on Substack today!

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Get updates and learn from the best

More To Explore