WSMV ran a wild story a couple of days ago about a guy who used a chunk of wood to hammer through the back door of the Broadway Brewhouse to allegedly steal some liquor. Yes. I know. That’s a lot to process. Just go read the story, think about it for a second or two, and then come back.
Okay, you’re back. Now, listen…we’ve been breaking down stories like this for damn near 11 years on the internet. A lot of these provide more questions than answers, and today’s story is no different. I don’t know if I’m breaking any news here or not, but I don’t think we’re dealing with a criminal mastermind here. Like, if you’re going to burgle someone, shouldn’t you put your wiener away? Don’t want to NOT draw attention to yourself? I don’t think you’re serving that purpose well if you’re cloaked in nothing but an apron. How’d the guy have an apron, but NOT actual clothes? What a mystery. This could be the next season of True Detective.
I’d question the strategy here too though. Aren’t there better places to attempt to burgle liquor from? I’m growing uncomfortable about my liberal usage of the word ‘burgle’ in this piece. I apologize. I’ll rein that in. I mean, I’d think about heading to the outskirts of town a little bit. If all I had was an apron to wear, I wouldn’t want to draw MORE attention to myself by heading to the most heavily populated part of the state. We’re just doubling down on the lack of self-awareness here. Actually, let’s triple down on this because our method of entry is to take a big hunk of wood and beat through the back door to get in. Not exactly subtle. This just doesn’t seem like it was well thought out nor does it seem like an effective use of resources. Was this a dare from a buddy? “I dare you to rob a bar on Broadway with nothing but an apron and a block of wood.” If that’s the case, get better friends, bro.
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Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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