No, I Am Not the Woman Who Stole Four Dozen Candles From Bath and Body Works

A statement from Stoney Keeley: "I am not the woman who stole four dozen candles from the Bath & Body Works in Nashville West."

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I feel compelled to make a statement this morning. You know…it’s the old PR trick of getting ahead of the story. There’s already some controversy brewing at SoBros HQ this morning in light of this story from WSMV about a lady that allegedly jacked like $1,200 in candles from the Bath & Body Works out in Nashville West. I’m not saying I wouldn’t want $1,200 in candles from the Bath & Body Works out in Nashville West. I am just here to say unequivocally that *clears throat* I am not this woman.

Courtesy of WSMV:

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (WSMV) – Detectives tracked down and arrested a woman wanted in connection with stealing nearly four dozen candles from a West Nashville store in April.

So, McCash shared this story in our #articleideas channel on the SoBros Slack. His comment reads, “Why do I have feeling this woman was really hairy? Care to comment, @bignatural?” I know he’s not the only one that’s wondering this. I know that several of you probably saw that story and thought, “I need to check on Stoney.” Well, rest assured. I am safe and sound in my office at SoBros HQ and am most definitely not being sought after by the police because I allegedly stole a bunch of candles.

Let’s just stop and think about this for a minute – I would argue that my two biggest brands as a human on Earth are “Titans guy” and “Yankee Candle guy,” and that’s about it. I’m a Yankee Candle guy through and through. Look at the featured image on this press release – lot of candles…but they’re all Yankee Candles. Bath & Body Works makes a good candle – don’t get me wrong. I do have a few in the closet, strewn about my collection. But, if I’m clearing $1,200 worth of candles, I’m taking out a Yankee Candle, folks. If I’m going to risk it all because I can no longer control my compulsions in the mecca of candle burning, it’s going to be Yankee Candle.

I feel like I’ve done enough today to establish my innocence here, and I hope you’ll all cease your questioning of my good name and integrity.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.

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