I couldn’t help but laugh at this headline from the AP: Getting rid of poison ivy is a serious matter. What you should and shouldn’t do. It’s actually a good piece. I’m not trying to pass judgment here or anything. It’s just the idea of someone saying out loud, “yeah, you should probably get rid of that poison ivy,” that is comical to me. No shit, Sherlock. Poison ivy SUCKS! It’s awful. I hate it, and I have no idea what purpose it serves to nature. You absolutely should get rid of it! But, as soon as I thought about that, I remembered a time when I needed to clean out some poison ivy from the yard, but I abandoned ship when I saw just how much was infiltrating the impacted area.
In fact, I recently had to call a landscaper to come out and clean up our flower beds because I tried to do it myself and got the smallest little blip of poison ivy on my wrist. That sucks. That oil gets in all the little crevices and cracks in your skin, and it itches like fire. I’m the worst about not scratching too. I’ll pick my flesh to the bone to get rid of that stuff. Anyway, my point here is that I’m a hypocrite, and I totally get why people just let it grow out of control because if I see it when I’m gardening, I’m dropping my rake and running as far away as possible from it.
I don’t know what happened to me, but I used to never be bothered by poison ivy. I might get a bump or two but that was it. The last few times I’ve encountered it though, it has nearly completely ruined my life. Allow me to take this opportunity to share the story from the featured image of this post.
It was 2013. I was working a job at the time that I didn’t get a lot of rest from. I had one day off in the summer time, and it happened to coincide with Ryan’s day off. We decided we were going to get out in the woods, and go fishing at Percy Priest lake. Of course, you have to pregame for such a day at the Mexican restaurant with margaritas. And, of course, no fishing trip is complete without a case of beer. Needless to say, by midday, I was looking at these little “trees” and attempting to climb them. That’s how I ended up rolling around on a forest bed covered with poison ivy. I (or Ryan, I don’t recall clearly – things were a little hazy) also threw a stick at snake’s nest in the lake and sent those things scurrying every which direction. A few days later, I had poison ivy blisteringly popping up in every crack or crevice of my body. I even had it in my eyes, which turned red for a couple of days. It wasn’t necessarily the worst pain I’ve ever been in, but it was definitely the most agitating. Getting poison ivy in between your toes and fingers is awful. Getting it on your hoo-ha doesn’t feel great either. I damn near made a pact to never enter the woods again that day…but I would do pretty much the exact same thing a couple of years later.
I would catch it once again in 2016. I remember it distinctly because that’s when I discovered the Kick Out At Two wrestling podcast – I would soak in an ice cold tub (the cold causes your pores to essentially close up and keep the oil from spreading and provides some itch relief in the process) scrolling through their catalog. From there, I found out about this little tournament in Chattanooga called the Scenic City Invitational, and thought it’d be nice to go. I was planning to make the trip by myself, but that poison ivy stayed on me for over two weeks. I didn’t get to make that trip. Sad!
So, allow this to serve as a reminder – if you’re out and about, be it hiking or simply gardening in your backyard, be on the lookout for this stuff and treat it like the plant terrorist it is.
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Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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