My head is pounding. My vision’s a little blurry, and I can’t quite shake it. I didn’t sleep too well – heartburn. You laugh at the jokes about developing heartburn when you’re younger, but then you wake up one day and you’re 39, wishing you didn’t get the plate of grilled jalapeños with your spinach enchiladas. You wake up at 2AM in a hot sweat, your stomach churning, feeling like you can’t even breathe. What would 18-year-old Stoney think of this? It’s as bad as gray hairs and receding hairlines. I’ve been humbled by my own stomach…the same stomach that used to take five McDoubles and a Red Bull straight to the dome and keep on truckin’ like it was nothing. Where did the time go?
We’re roaming around Providence – a lap around Target, a lap around Hobby Lobby, a lap around At Home, maybe we’ll go to Yankee Candle once they open. Shortly into our foray, we decide to break for brunch. I think my stomach has settled, and I begin to think that maybe a meal would help me feel less hungover. I’m getting too old for this shit. Nonetheless, we decide to give The Goat another shot. It fell out of our rotation a couple of years ago after we went several times and were less than impressed. But, we’ve grown weary of all the other regular spots, and when we see they have a brunch menu, we think, “let’s give them another chance.”
The menu looks fantastic, but something catches my eye that I can’t seem to divert my attention from: the hot chicken biscuit bene. I’m fighting for my life right now on the inside. My guts are in ruin from the night before and that heartburn. And yet, I cannot resist this calling. I pull the trigger and I order that hot chicken biscuit bene – have I learned nothing? Will this dish explode my insides? Maybe. But, as I read the list of ingredients on the menu, I think there’s a shot that it could also restore me to full health. I’ve always been somewhat of a dangerous man. So, I’m willing to risk it. Besides, we have no plans the rest of the day, so if I need to stay home, confined to the bathroom, I have the flexibility to do it. It’s not like we have a wedding to go to later.
Fried chicken, with its restorative properties, cooked to perfection. It’s the heart and soul of this dish. If it’s too tough, it ruins the meals. If it’s not cooked enough, I might fall ill. It has to be perfect, and they nail it.
Habanero oil, an interesting touch. It generates heat, but it doesn’t drown out the flavor of the dish. I find that it enhances the profile of the meal without overpowering it. It’s something that many a hot chicken dish can struggle with. It has just enough bite.
Pimento cheese, rich and creamy. It makes the dish feel hearty, but it also grounds out the bite of the habanero oil. It has some power behind it. It’s not your everyday run-of-the-mill cheese that can get washed out in an entree. This pimento cheese commands your respect with every bite.
Fried eggs – well, there has to be some sort of breakfast element or it’s not brunch. But, they do moisturize the dish in a way that keeps it from drying out. If my fork claims a bite that doesn’t look juicy enough, I drag it through the busted egg to get there.
Hollandaise…it’s always the hollandaise…a slight tang, fighting back against the heat and the spice. It balances the dish and provides another beautiful and complex flavor.
Diced pickles, set up by the hollandaise, take the tang over the top. But, they add an element of crunchy texture that the chicken needs to outweigh the work the pimento cheese, fried eggs, and hollandaise are doing to drown it out. Combined, it’s a masterclass of texture, and it feels as though I’m tasting a dozen different flavors in a single bite. It’s culinary poetry.
And, fluffy, golden biscuits to sop it all up. If I lived in this development, I’d be here all the time…just for this dish. Just for the opportunity to taste a masterpiece. The Goat has a damn good bar and patio too, so that certainly wouldn’t hurt its case to get back into the rotation. I am whole again. I have healed. To check out The Goat’s brunch menu, check out their website here.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, second on Football & Other F Words, analyst for Stacking The Inbox, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, the NFL Draft, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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