Welp, another football player leaving the game to protect his mind and body like a real big wuss. I just don’t get it – I mean, football is about rattling your opponent’s brains. Some of these guys just didn’t get the memo, I guess. I think the first unwritten rule of football reads similarly to, “Rule #1 of football: the purpose of the game is to make someone leave the field with a concussion.”
Everyone knows that – football guys, football players, football fans, coaches, mascots, cheerleaders, scientists, politicians, doctors, chefs, etc…you take the field, you aim to scramble brains. #FACT.
And besides that, where’s the science to prove that concussions are directly caused from head-on collisions in football games? Shit – where’s the science to show that concussions are even bad to begin with? I mean, it just makes your head hurt for a little bit. Nothing that can’t be cured by popping a couple of Advil.
Via Sports Illustrated – “Indiana quarterback Zander Diamont has decided to forgo his final season of eligibility and acknowledged Saturday that his decision is partially based on concerns about head injuries.
Diamont, a junior, will graduate from IU in the spring but has one season of NCAA eligibility remaining. His final game will be the Hoosiers’ bowl game.
“To be honest, I’ve had a lot of concussions in my career, a lot of which were in high school,” Diamont said Saturday when asked to explain his decision to walk away. “With the way that I play and my size, I’m not going to start being the guy who slides and steps out of bounds. It’s just not my style. If I’m going to go out, I’m going to go out my way. I’m not going to alter the way that I play in order to treat that side of the deal.
“I think for my safety and my future—I’m not going to the NFL—I need my brain. So that was the decision.”
Diamont, a telecommunications major, is the son of two actors and said he hopes to return to his native Los Angeles to work in the entertainment industry.”
Okay, a few issues here –
1) I can guaran-damn-tee that Zander’s decision not to go to the NFL is not his to make. That’s up to 32 teams, none of which I’m assuming have the Indiana quarterback high on their draft charts. Way to sound noble, buddy – make it sound like you’re giving up millions of dollars to pursue something fulfilling. I wonder what his reaction would be if he were the top-rated quarterback prospect looking at a $15 million contract.
2) You very obviously do not need your brain to work in the entertainment industry. Loads of reality TV shows and Michael Bay movies have taught us that. Again, Zander here, trying to sound all noble, is acting like he needs to preserve his brain to do something really important like go to the moon or invent the next peanut butter. Nope – just wants to make-believe for a living.
3) Does sliding and stepping out of bounds make one a bad quarterback? I’m really confused – he’s stepping away from football to protect his brain…but doesn’t do things DURING THE GAME to protect his brain? That doesn’t make sense. It’s like saying, “I can’t stop eating cookies. Therefore, I’m going to quit buying cookies.” You know, Zander, you could always just….not eat so many cookies in one sitting. Give me a break.
4) This guy’s name sounds like a Batman villain. That’s not a knock. I’m actually into it.
This is undeniably the lamest of all the “I’m quitting football stories.” Personally, I don’t think concussions are an excuse for anything. I’ve had three – and guess what….it hasn’t stopped me from writing, from paying my bills, getting an education, and once a year, I play flag football without a helmet and fall down at least once and occasionally run into people with nothing but my arms and beer gut to protect me. I even slipped in the bathroom one morning and likely gave myself a fourth concussion, but guess what – I didn’t go into work and tell my boss I couldn’t make spreadsheets anymore because I need to save my brain!
I mean, you have a helmet on, buddy. Nothing bad can happen to your head if you have a helmet on. That has been proven numerous times, namely, by oh – I don’t know – Iron Man, for one. But, yeah – okay, Zander. Act like football is bad for your head.
PFFFFFTTT. Stoopid.
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, Contributor to FanSided’s Bama Hammer, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @PFSpot, @WrestlingNewsCo, @Bama_Hammer
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