I’ve never been a big fan of vanity plates. Don’t quite understand the appeal, but hey – to each his own. That’s a form of creative expression, I suppose, and y’all know I’m all for that. So, don’t let me hate, Tennessee. Y’all do your damn thing.
That said, the idea that the Department of Revenue had to sift through thousands of tasteless vanity plates never even crossed my mind. But, now that we’re here – it’s pretty damn hilarious, and quite frankly, think we’re all better for it.
There’s a spreadsheet that circulates in the Tennessee Department of Revenue with 4,600 bad ideas for vanity license plates.
Among cells of phrases like “TERD96,”ONDRUGS” and “HITLER” are sexual innuendos, expletives, anatomical terms and crude insults strung together using combinations of letters and numbers.
Let’s give Natalie Allison a round of applause for encompassing these vanity plate names in terms suitable for publication.
I’m incredibly grateful that she got to sneak “TERD96” in there, though. This sounds amazing. There should be a story behind this, and maybe it’s on journalists like us to uncover it. I don’t know, though – we’re going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don’t know, I don’t know if we’ll have enough time.
But, can you imagine doing to the DMV (or wherever you buy vanity plates) and being like, “yeah – dead serious. I want “TERD96″ on my license plate.”
At what point are they rejected, though? Do the clerks have that sort of discretion? Like, “dude that’s fuckin’ STUPID. You can’t put that on a vehicle and drive it around in public!” Or, do they just have to file the paperwork anyway and then let someone at the Department of Revenue shut it down?
If that’s the case, then I want to quit my day job and take that person’s job. Just sitting there looking at hilarious vanity plates all day? Sign me up.
So, what else was on the list?
So which phrases has the state of Tennessee determined, in fact, do cross the line? Here’s a list of some of the requests denied in the last year. Spoiler: The state turned down five different ways of spelling “Hellcat.” (Reader discretion is advised.)
- HELLCAT
- HELCAT
- HAILCAT
- HELKAT
- HE11CAT
- XXX
- HELRZR
- 3SOME
- REDRUM
- 3SUM
- 3SOM
- SHTRFUL
- YA HOE
- AZZKCKR
- AZKICKR
- ASE O 2
- CUBSBLO
- 64KRAUT
- BULLSHT
Lots of hellcats in Tennessee, I guess. Have I missed something? Is “hellcat” a good thing? Like, is that the new version of referring to yourself as a “baller” or “gangsta?” If so, then I’m definitely team hellcat. It’s in my veins.
Three different variations of threesome on there, too. I guess you gotta let people know, just in case. Never know when it might happen, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that anyone who puts “threesome” on their vanity plate has a 0% chance of ever having been in a threesome or ever being in one in the future.
Nice homage to Cousin Eddie in there with “SHTRFUL” – at least I think that’s what it is. “Merry Christmas, shitter’s full!” Props to this person. I see you.
Still, my absolute favorite is “YA HOE” – no real reason. I just love it. Just put it out there – could be good for business if you actually are a hoe. Or, it could just be a sign of support for whoever’s hoe you are. All around, just screams “I’m here for you,” and I’m all for supportive shit like that.
These are my people. Stay classy, Tennessee.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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