Alternatively titled, “y’all let this lady marry her damn chandelier!”
That’s right, folks – today, I’m sharing a story about a woman who wants to marry her chandelier.
Courtesy of the New York Post:
Amanda Liberty, 35, who changed her last name from Whittaker during a prior long-distance relationship with the Statue of Liberty, is ready to finally settle down with the light of her life, the Mirror reports.
Liberty, of Leeds, who identifies as an objectum sexual, is putting the spotlight on the little-known attraction to inanimate objects, according to the outlet.
The bride-to-be said she has been in an open relationship with multiple light fixtures, but decided to get hitched to Lumiere, which she regards as female.
People act like this is such an abomination. What the fuck ever happened to “love is love?” This is beautiful. Imagine finding the love of your life just hanging from a ceiling above a dinner table somewhere!
Wait, no….no, that’s dark. Uhhhh….you get what I was trying to say, though…
My point was that you wouldn’t have to fool with dating apps or all of the reindeer games that come along with dating if you were super sexually into inanimate objects.
Y’all think I’m being all tongue in cheek about this one, and okay yeah maybe I am just a little bit. But, in all seriousness, this is the shit I live for. People just unabashedly being themselves. Maybe it’s not healthy, but fuck it – they’re happy.
So, let them do the damn thing. I’ve never felt attracted to an inanimate object, but shit – that would’ve made my early love life MUCH, much easier. I imagine a whole lot less rejection if I could just pick up my pencil and suddenly have a life partner.
Shit, how do you gauge consent off of an inanimate object, though?
On second thought, I’m out on this whole concept. Silence is not consent. Fuck this shit.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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