It’s a dreary, overcast Monday in Nashville, but alas – Big Natural is here with a ray of sunshine for all of the single guys out there!
Courtesy of Edinburgh News – “Mohammed Abad received the £70,000 prosthetic replacement after suffering for decades when his manhood was damaged in a car crash in the 70s.
The 44-year-old, from Costorphine, told a national newspaper that since his operation he has received 50 messages from women who want to sleep with him.
He said: “I get a lot of messages from women online who ask if I will have sex with them. “They’ve heard about my bionic penis and they want to try it out. “They are very intrigued and think I can make love for hours.”
Mr Abad lost his manhood and one testicle when he was dragged under a car for 600ft in Huddersfield, Yorkshire, when he was just six years old. In 2015, after three years of painstaking surgery by doctors at University College London, his eight-inch “bionic” penis was constructed using skin and tendons taken from his arm.
Known as the Titan Touch Penile Prosthesis, it has two tubes along the side which fill with water once Mo presses a button next to his testicles.
Mr Abad continued: “It’s not that I don’t want to (have sex) and I get offers but I have been so busy with work. I work 14-hour shifts every day and by the time I get home I’m just too tired for sex.”
On a serious note, I don’t know how I feel about the future anymore if this is what it’s going to be like. I mean, Japan is already getting sex robots out to market in 2017, our boy Mohammed here already has a robot crank….
It’s all just getting a little too real for me.
But, the most fundamental question here – my biggest issue with this piece – if you don’t have time for sex, or you’re too tired for sex, why even bother with THREE YEARS of surgery?!!?! I don’t know.
This has all the makings of total overcompensation for having an eight inch bionic dick made out of your own arm. Like, “oh women are lining up because they think I can push a button and bone for hours, but I just don’t know if I have the time for it. I’m always so tired.”
Classic hard to get from Mohammed here – this is a wakeup call to those women. It’s time to step it up. You have to start throwing in foot massages and/or substantial sums of money to jump on that robo-rod.
But, think about the implications for those of you who aren’t too busy and tired for relentless sex…
That’s the silver lining here, guys – you want 50+ women lining up to jump into bed with you, all you have to do is get dragged under a car for 600 feet and spend the next three years in surgery. Totally worth it, right?
The dating code has been cracked – now, you can stop creeping women out with your “sup” texts and dick pics. Just post that bionic bad boy on Tinder and they’ll be storming the gates.
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, Contributor to FanSided’s Bama Hammer, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @PFSpot, @WrestlingNewsCo, @Bama_Hammer
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