Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into my weekly American football column, Tank the 401k. Here, I will divulge all my professional eagle-eyed opinions on the upcoming week. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts!
Well, well, well – YABOI went with more picks last week and came away a winner again. Really heartbroken that Washington State betrayed me for the first time all season. Those sonsahbitches. I fell for Mike Leach’s charm and Khalil Tate reamed my ass for it.
The fact is, I’ve corrected course, but it’s not enough. Not e-fucking-nough.
This is a tough slate of games this week. When I was scrolling through the odds, I couldn’t help but make the bitter beer face. Y’all remember that shit? Hysterical. Anyway, then, I decided, “I make myself laugh so hard that I’m going to actually name this column the ‘bitter beer face’ edition lolololololol.” So, here we are.
BIG NATURAL’S TANK THE 401K PICKS
NCAAF: Virginia Tech -2.5 @ Miami – The Hurricanes are struggling to put teams away, and I think this is the week they go down. The Hokies have a legit defense that smothers Miami and wins this one by at least a touchdown.
NFL: Detroit -2.5 @ Green Bay – Aaron Rodgers still out? Yeah? Yep – okay. I’m going with the Lions here with a big defensive play.
NCAAF: Tennessee -6.5 vs. Southern Miss – Things are bad in Knoxville…I mean, really bad. About as bad as I can recall seeing it. But, that said, these Vols should still clean house with Southern Miss. Right? Right!?!?
NFL: Jacksonville -5 vs. Cincinnati – This is going to be a low scoring affair between one of the best defenses in the league (Jags) and one of its most underrated defensive fronts (Bengs). I think the Jags’ running game wears down that front and Andy Dalton doesn’t get time to make plays against Sacksonville.
NCAAF: Michigan -15.5 vs. Minnesota – This isn’t the season for the Wolverines, but that defense alone could score 14 on Minnesota. I think this should be another Rutgers-esque victory for Jim Harbaugh’s crew.
Last Week: (4-2)
On the Season: (27-23-1) – 54%
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. A strong advocate of GSD (get shit done) and #BeBetter, he’s down to talk Tennessee Titans and Alabama Crimson Tide football over a beer any day. Check him out covering the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @WrestlingNewsCo
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