Seeing a mountain lion isn’t really all that common in Tennessee. You’ll read a random report every now and then, but that’s why it makes news. Because it doesn’t happen very often! It’s not like y’all are out there reading headlines every morning about deer sightings or raccoon sightings. But, even still, you click the link, read the articles, see the picture, and the “mountain lion” looks like little more than a jacked up house cat.
But, I see this video that Fox Nashville tweeted of a giant cougar that’s presumably been eating HGH, and I can’t help but grow a little concerned.
SPOTTED: Big cat lurking near a cafe in Murfreesboro!
Credit: Molly Peco pic.twitter.com/luBWTXh3PX
— FoxNashville (@FOXNashville) August 9, 2018
Not to cause panic or anything, but EVERYONE PANIC!
If you have guns, of any kind, get them ready. Keep them by your side at all time. If you have kids, give them guns so they can protect themselves as they play out in the yard. Whatever it takes.
This is like fucking Jurassic Park right in the middle of Murfreesboro, Tennessee.
But, you know Coconut Bay Cafe has to be ecstatic about all of this publicity. Hell, if I were them, I’d be advertising the shit out of this. “Come to Coconut Bay Cafe – We have live mountain lions!” Something like that – maybe, “Coconut Bay Cafe – Where else are you going to encounter a wild cougar? But, this is an actual live cougar and not an older woman preying on younger men!”
“Bring your guns to Coconut Bay Cafe, where you might need to shoot a dangerous predator!”
On second thought, this article should’ve been titled, “Everyone panic except for Coconut Bay Cafe, who should call their marketing guy right away.”
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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