This one’s right up there with Ridiculously Fabricated Bowl Names as one of my favorite annual pieces on SoBros Network. Every year, I take a look around the grand landscape of college football players looking to become superstars at the professional level throughout the NFL Draft process. Being from the South myself, I’ve spent 33 years learning southern names, and seeing the southern characters stereotyped on television in real life.
Some might find it offensive, and sure – there’s more to us southerners than cowboy boots, country music, and meat and threes. But, I find it charming in its own little way. ‘Cute,’ if you will. Besides, I’m that dude with the warped sense of humor you don’t really understand anyway. So, I enjoy the absurd and write the offbeat. This is your annual look at the 10 most southern sounding names in the NFL Draft.
If you’re still here, let’s get rolling.
PREVIOUS WINNERS
2014 – Crockett Gilmore
2016 – Vernon Hargreaves III
2017 – Bucky Hodges
2018 – Josey Jewell
2019 – Jesper Horsted
THE 10 MOST SOUTHERN NAMES IN THE 2020 NFL DRAFT
10. Jace Whittaker, CB Arizona – What is this? Duck Dynasty?
9. Rico Dowdle, RB South Carolina – Rico Dowdle is the ol’ high school football star who still wears his letterman jacket well into his 40s.
8. Thaddeus Moss, TE LSU – #1 rule of this column: you got a first name like Thaddeus, you make the list. Even if you are related to Randy Moss.
7. Casey Toohill, OLB Stanford – Casey Toohill is comin’ in CLUTCH for the annual ‘Old Prospector Name of the Year.’
6. J.K. Dobbins, RB Ohio State – You go by initials for a first name and that’s automatically going to put you on the southern names radar. Only way you get a higher ranking is if your initials are ‘RC.’ JK Dobbins sounds like the gregarious general store owner.
5. Lloyd Cushenberry III, C LSU – Can’t you just imagine an old law firm on the town square in Mayberry? Cushenberry III & Associates.
4. John Houston, Jr., ILB USC – John Houston, Jr. is the ‘refined cowboy name’ of this year’s list. He might even be a Texas Ranger for all we know.
3. Calvin Throckmorton, OL Oregon – Calvin Throckmorton sounds like the big burly man on campus. You mess with one of Calvin’s boys and you gotta deal with him, and spoiler alert: he’s going to put your ass under dirt.
2. Jet Toner, K Stanford – Named after a vehicle – it’s nice and redneck. Can we confirm whether or not Jet Toner has a mullet?
1. Henry Ruggs III, WR Alabama – the stud Bama receiver hits the ever elusive ‘Southern Names Trifecta’ and thus – he is our most southern name in the NFL Draft for 2020. He’s got a good solid-sounding traditional first name…the one syllable and gritty sounding last name, and a number after his name. All around, one of the best I’ve ever written about.
See y’all next year. Happy trails ’til we meet again.
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Outside The Box Options For The Titans At #29
Tennessee Titans Draft Needs 2020
Titans First Round Options: C.J. Henderson
Titans First Round Options: Josh Jones
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Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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