Spooky Season Power Rankings: Top 15 Goosebumps Stories

"Big Natural" Stoney Keeley reflects upon his childhood and comes with his list of the top 15 Goosebumps stories of all time.

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You can’t call yourself a card-carrying 90s kid if you didn’t read Goosebumps growing up. Real talk – there are few things in my life as a 34-year-old that are as exciting as the Scholastic Book Fair used to be when they still had Goosebumps out there for sale.

Some were a lot of fun. Some actually did give me bona fide nightmares. But, it was like spicy food – it’s so painful, but the ride is so enjoyable that you can’t help yourself. Maybe I was just a glutton for punishment as a kid, but I couldn’t put Goosebumps down. Plus, they were almost like collector’s items – I’ve always been a collector. Pretty sure I had some of R.L. Stine’s masterpieces that I didn’t even read, but I just HAD to have ’em for the whole collection. Goosebumps, pogs, and Pokemon – gotta collect ’em all.

The movies have come out in recent years, and I gotta say, I find them quite enjoyable. There’s something about ’em that just appeal to that childhood nostalgia bone – not unlike Hocus Pocus or Are You Afraid of the Dark?

So, with Spooky Season in full swing for 2020, I’ve decided to take this opportunity to offer up my 15 favorite Goosebumps stories on the latest edition of Spooky Season Power Rankings. Granted, I can’t remember what actually happened in…like…any of these books. But, I can remember the way they made me feel, and particularly, how they gave me goosebumps.

Hot damn I’m a good writer – did y’all see that? What I just did right there?

Top 15 Goosebumps Stories

15. Vampire Breath – Vampire Breath may have been kinda forgettable for a lot of people, but it sticks out in my mind because…well…how cool would it be to just casually wake up a vampire in your basement and then help him wake up all his vampire friends? Like, I would’ve been game for leading a vampire cabal back in the day.

14. One Day at Horrorland – Listen, it’s hard to imagine getting lost looking for an amusement park and just settling on a creepy one you just happen to stumble upon in 2020. But, back in 1994, that shit was real life. The idea of getting lost as a kid was frightening….getting lost in a theme park with ghosts and monsters?!?! That’s the shit that leads to therapy when you become an adult.

13. A Shocker on Shock Street – Giant monstrous creatures, enormous praying mantises – listen, I’ll say it. I think this is one of the more underrated tales in the lineage of the original Goosebumps stories.

12. Deep Trouble – Holy shit, I wonder if this book is why I have a shark phobia as an adult?

11. The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena – It’s weird to me that the abominable snowman became one of the main characters in the movies, because I don’t remember him having a cult-like following when we were kids. What creeped me out the most about this story was how unusual the idea of an abominable snowman in California was.

10. The Scarecrow Walks at Midnight – Scarecrows that come to life. I know a lot of this stuff was “______ comes to life” back in the day, but this one was one of the early classics of the line, so it gets a pass.

9. The Horror at Camp Jellyjam – A blob monster, some good brainwashing, summer camp – what more could a nine-year-old ask for in a tale?

8. The Headless Ghost – Wait they actually called the house in this book Hill House? FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCC – no wonder I remember this one being particularly scary. Loaded with ghosts….just some Grade A ghost shit.

7. Attack of the Jack-O-Lanterns – What a classic Halloween tale – scary ass hissing pumpkins that come to life. I was afraid of every pumpkin I walked past for years because of this book.

6. How I Got My Shrunken Head – I actually remember reading this one and thinking it was more ‘cool’ than terrifying. I don’t know what that says about me, but I was always cautious of shrunken heads from the day I finished that book moving forward.

5. The Barking Ghost – Man, the woods….the woods are what got me with The Barking Ghost. This family moves deep into the woods and then ol’ boy rolls up on some ghost dogs. It just hit too close to home given I grew up next to hundreds of acres of woods.

4. Be Careful What You Wish For… – One of the OG tales from this series. I can remember that cover plain as day, and this was one that had all the kids in the third grade talking and shitting their pants. Think about it – you’re given three wishes, and they’re granted but they all RUIN your life. WILD ASS SHIT!

3. The Werewolf of Fever Swamp – We got a werewolf on the loose just killing animals, people are going missing, and we’ve got a good old fashioned suspense story building up to the end. It’s one of the earlier novels, and in my opinion, one of the most iconic covers in the series.

2. Ghost Beach – When I think scary Goosebumps, Ghost Beach is the one that comes straight to mind. I lost so much damn sleep because of this book – a three hundred year old ghost that lives in a cave and haunts the beach. I love the beach – how could you take that from me, R.L. Stine?

1. A Night in Terror Tower – Gonna be a hot take here for sure, but this one has all the nostalgia going for me. Why? Because this one was actually my first Goosebumps book. I can distinctly remember it – going out to Hickory Hollow one night with my mom and her friend, going to Media Play, and talking her into trying them out because it might actually get me into reading.

I was hooked right off the bat, and why wouldn’t I be? This one was about a couple of kids who got lost in a tower with an executioner chasing ’em around. Talk about badass.

I don’t know about you guys, but I actually feel like dusting off some old Goosebumps and seeing how they hold up to a man in his mid-30s.

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