Let’s face it – every day we are routinely bombarded with questions. When you’re an emerging media company in Nashville, people just want to know what your opinions are on everything. It’s only natural. And, since our duty is to serve the people, well, we have no choice but to be present. That’s the SoBro Way. Also, aren’t mailbags just a barrel of laughs anyway? Welcome to the newest weekly recurring feature up in this bitch: The SoBros Mailbag. As always, hit us with those mailbag questions @SoBrosNetwork on Twitter, email ’em to me anonymously at thesobrosnetwork@gmail.com. And, holy shit, I need to update this terrible intro paragraph that I’ve been using literally ever since I started writing this column…
Question:
How much BDE do you think stan is strutting around with after the 5-0 week? (Anonymous question from someone in my DM’s)
— sobrostan (@sobrostan) September 24, 2021
Answer:
Sure – I’ll address this to the anonymous someone in your DMs, Stan: “I think Stan pretty much always walks around with an abundance of BDE, but I’d say the 5-0 week on Tank the 401k pretty well put that through the roof.”
It’s not just last week, though – we need to let the people know that Stan is currently 71.4% on the season, which is pretty damn good…much less early on in the year, when we’re all still trying to figure out what the fuck these teams actually are and who’s reliable to show up week in and week out (surprised you didn’t keep riding the Rutgers train this week).
Question:
What movie would be ruined with the addition of a sex scene? Alternatively, what move would be improved with the addition of a sex scene?
— brett is 15 days away from disney (@thebrettclark) September 24, 2021
Answer:
Can the answer to both questions be Shrek?
^That line just killed it in my head – hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I did. I was tempted to just leave it and let that, alone, be my answer to this question for the sake of the lolz. But, since it’s a light mailbag this week, I want to give it some though. Okay, I’m going to say that a sex scene would’ve absolutely put a damper on The Lego Movie. That would’ve been awkward.
As for a movie that would be improved with the addition of a sex scene, that’s tough. I’m going to go with Godzilla vs. Kong. There’s just so much sexual tension between the two and we never get that big payoff. Disappointing.
Question:
Which are scarier – horror movies about ghosts or serial killers?
— Patrick Criswell (@PatCrizzy) September 24, 2021
Answer:
Give me the serial killers all day – it’s the same reason why I’d want to fight a bear over a shark. It might seem stupid, but at least I think I’d stand somewhat of a chance against the bear. Like, I could at least land one punch to let that motherfucker know he’s not just going to bend me over and show me the 50 states. Maybe I’d earn the bear’s respect. Meanwhile, a shark’s just going to gobble my helpless ass up and I’ll be able to do is cry and maybe shit in his mouth a little bit as I die. I guess I could take some comfort in that, because that’s a pretty terrible thing to have happen to you. But, I’d want to be alive to experience it.
At least if some big brooding serial killer barges in my door, I can square up like a respectable honorable man and try to throw hands before they gut me like a fish. Have you ever tried fighting a ghost? Fuck that. They’re everywhere. Might as well just go ahead and bend over.
There aren’t too many horror movies that I can do – all the paranormal ghost stuff gives me really bad nightmares and stirs up old memories of creepy shit happening to me as a kid, so I’ve found that it’s just not worth it for me. And, I have a very sensitive ‘fight or flight’ response to the jump-scare serial killer stuff that ends up just making me angry. Yes, I realize I probably sound like a lunatic, but I just don’t like the stress, so I kinda gave that genre up a while ago. I’ll still watch some of the fun stuff – I saw Scream for the first time last Spooky Season and loved it, I dig these new Halloween movies. But, by and large, horror just doesn’t put me in a good head space in general.
Question, from Colleen on Instagram:
How do you feel about bananas and their connection to mental wellness?
Answer:
You know, it’s funny – this will be the third time I’ve said it in a week, but I legit feel like people lose their connectedness to nature rather quickly. I try to take a few moments each day to step outside and get some fresh air. Now, I don’t know where the banana came into play here, but bananas are delightful. If I’m ranking fruit, the banana is high on the list – probably even Mount Rushmore. So, I can definitely see how eating a banana and enjoying the sound of the wind blowing through the trees could instantly improve my mood.
Next time I feel like shit, I’m just going to have a banana and sit outside for awhile.
Keep the questions coming – catch y’all next week!
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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