I never did hard drugs. In all my 35 years on this Earth, I just never had the desire. I had a couple of friends who told me they had a cousin who knew someone that knew someone who took shrooms one night, saw spiders crawling out of their eyes, and then proceeded to gauge one of those bad boys right out of their skull. I was mortified – why would I ever want to do something that might make me literally mutilate myself? “Just don’t think negative thoughts, Stoney,” they’d always say. But, I knew better. Asking me not to think negative thoughts is like…I don’t know….asking a cat not to be a cat. Fret not – thankfully, I never have to wonder if I might’ve missed out on an interesting life experience. Thanks to Joe Badon and a close-to-midnight viewing of The Blood of the Dinosaurs, I think I have a pretty good idea of what it’s like to have a bad trip and pull my own eyeballs out.
You know how they say one of the basic fears of human beings is that we inherently fear things that look human, but can’t quite be confirmed as human? That’s similar to what we have here in this short. It certainly looks like it was the product of a human mind, but nothing about the film feels like a human’s mind. The Blood of the Dinosaurs is the demented skinwalker of short films.
In just over 15 minutes, Badon manages to thrust us into a whole new world that is simultaneously frightening, overstimulating, and comedic in the “I shouldn’t be laughing right now, but I can’t help it” sense. I think I once saw Uncle Bobbo in a bout of sleep paralysis – he was standing over me painting something and I could feel the paint dripping onto my face. At least I think it was paint. Nonetheless, there’s something constantly eerie and unsettling about Vincent Stalba‘s performance as Uncle Bobbo….as if something’s not quite right from the moment we meet him. It’s as though there’s…not necessarily another person inside…but more like a physical embodiment of repressed rage…constantly bubbling underneath the surface. It’s all in the eyes, whether they’re blank, violent, or piercing…it’s enough to make your skin crawl.
The imagery and atmosphere Badon creates yields an unrelenting wave of discomfort – the type that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up. It was hypnotic at times, and maybe that was by design…extended silences hung in the air on a couple of different occasions, with droning noises running parallel to the cold gaze of the characters onscreen. It was soothing, as if it was lulling you to ease your mind. But, the constant dread of “this can’t be real – what’s about to happen?” made for an uneasy experience hallmarked by my sweaty feet and my sweaty palms. It felt like equal parts Adult Swim gone horribly wrong, and equal parts ASMR. And, a Christmas show? C’mon man…Christmas ain’t supposed to go down like that (we’re back to that “it looks human, but I don’t think it’s really human” thing and honestly, the setting helped to really hammer that home).
Look, I don’t know what we’re doing here either. Some of y’all are probably reading this this morning and wondering what the fuck kind of drugs I took last night. I literally just wrote a new Yankee Candle review, and now this? That is a hell of a pivot even for SoBros Network. I don’t know how the fuck the Titans writer ended up reviewing The Blood of the Dinosaurs. I think I might’ve been hypnotized and brainwashed. I was lulled into a false sense of security and my brain was put in a pretzel for it.
As soon as I heard something along the lines of “do y’all see that?” I knew shit was about to hit the fan. You’ll know once you get your Chattanooga Film Festival badge and watch it yourself (great and thoughtful analysis, right?). I’m not too proud to admit that it got a little too intense for me in that moment and I had to close my eyes and take a deep breath. It’s alright – all my real friends know I’m a bitch anyway. But, it was a fantastic payoff to the lump of fear that began to well up in my throat shortly after pressing play.
This isn’t even a real review – this is a man and his thoughts trying to process what reality even is now. It fuckin’ ruled, though. And, I’m still shaking as I type this out. And, I just jumped because the cat just strolled back into my office. And, I think I might try and force myself to puke before I go to bed. Thanks, Joe.
You could honestly show people The Blood of the Dinosaurs as a cautionary tale to NOT fight off sleep after taking your Ambien, and I do mean that in the best way possible. By the way, I don’t know if it’s clear enough in this post – but I loved the entire experience of watching this short. *tips cap to Joe Badon*
The Chattanooga Film Festival kicks off virtually on June 23rd and runs through June 28th – it’s one of our favorite film festivals…one we’ve covered since 2018! Check out their website and buy a badge today so you don’t miss any of the action!
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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