The SoBros Mailbag 219: Disney, the Popcorn Trick, and MTSU’s Cyber Cafe

It's lunch time on a Friday. The SoBros Mailbag is here.

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Let’s face it – every day we are routinely bombarded with questions. When you’re an emerging media company in Nashville, people just want to know what your opinions are on everything. It’s only natural. And, since our duty is to serve the people, well, we have no choice but to be present. That’s the SoBro Way. Also, aren’t mailbags just a barrel of laughs anyway? Welcome to the newest weekly recurring feature up in this bitch: The SoBros Mailbag. As always, hit us with those mailbag questions @SoBrosNetwork on Twitter, email ’em to me anonymously at thesobrosnetwork@gmail.com. And, holy shit, I need to update this terrible intro paragraph that I’ve been using literally ever since I started writing this column…

Question:

Answer:

Winston Tank Churchill.

Question:

Answer:

I am immediately investing every resource I have into making a Jon Bernthal Punisher series. It’s going to be 60 episodes long, and it’s just going to be gratuitous violence. There’s no way we’ll be able to release it on Disney+ because it’ll be NC-17. I will be fired from Disney shortly thereafter, but not before I can back up the Brinks truck to Ryan Gosling to cast him as Ghost Rider. I’m also going to cast John Turturro as Wolverine.

Question:

Answer:

Y’know – I don’t really think so…not when you consider that the coach is the reigning NFL Coach of the Year, and the players got this team to the #1 overall seed in the AFC last year. I mean, just run that back. That’s all. That’s all we need.

Question:

Answer:

“My dad’s way of having the ‘talk’ with me was to have me unwrap a box of condoms Christmas morning when I was 12 in front of my whole family. I was so embarrassed so to get back at him I got him a subscription to Playgirl magazine the next year that came with a free vhs tape that he unwrapped in from of everyone. I guess it was a good gift because I lost my v-card shortly after Christmas.” -Steven McCash

“My dad went to the library to check out a book that was written to help kids understand, but the version he got was made exclusively with black characters, I’m guessing my young caucasian self wasn’t the target audience, but I feel like it made me the man I am today.” -Outspoken Owen

Question, submitted anonymously:

What do you think of the Pringles prank? And, how does it compare to the popcorn bucket prank?

Answer:

The prank referenced here is that you cut a hole in the bottom of a Pringles can and put your dick in it so that when whoever you’re with goes to get a Pringle, they touch your dick instead. Same exact thing as the popcorn trick.

Logistically speaking, there’s no way the Pringles trick can be as effective as the popcorn trick. Pringles are bigger, so they’re just going to rest on the tip of your dick. There’s going to be no touching until all of the Pringles are gone, whereas the way the popcorn can fill in around your dick, you won’t have to wait as long to pull off the prank. That’s why I still give the popcorn trick the edge.

Regardless of which trick you go with, I’d imagine the most difficult part of it would be keeping your dick hard for that long while watching television.

Question, from Andrew on Instagram:

“Have you ever worked out at like 10 at night and afterwards ate at the cyber cafe?”

Answer:

You bet your sweet ass I have! Man, those are some good memories – what he’s referring to is our college days spent at the Harvard of the South, MTSU. We were much younger then, so I can remember spending entire nights at the rec center on campus, lifting weights, playing racquetball, running on the track, sometimes playing basketball even though I was fucking terrible at it. I’d work up a disgusting sweat, hit the shower, and then the boys and I would head down to the Cyber Cafe to eat fucking Burger King and Subway. It’s no wonder I never got ripped, but I’ll be damned if those weren’t some of the best days of my life!

Keep the questions coming – catch y’all next week!

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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