Tank the 401k Gambling Picks: 9/22/22

McCash and Stoney hit at 70% last week!

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Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into our weekly American football betting column here on the SoBros Network, Tank the 401k. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts (actually, don’t really do that – this is just sarcasm. Our lawyers say we shouldn’t claim to be experts on anything because we’re not)! Each week, the SoBros team up to offer their five locks of the week – obviously, we’re not professionals here so take this advice with a grain of salt and don’t sue us if you piss all of your money away. That’s not our fault. Okay, I think we’re all set here – here are this week’s SoBros gambling picks.

STEVEN’S PICKS

I experienced something I don’t think I ever have before on Tank the 401k and that was a 4-1 record on the week. It should have been a perfect 5-0 if one SEC team in particular had not shit the bed in a matchup with a far inferior team. I’m looking at you, Arkansas. With last week in the rearview mirror, it is time to move on and continue to build some momentum. I have five picks again that I spent some time researching on and let’s see if we cannot at least duplicate last week’s success.

New Orleans -2.5 Last week was rough for the Saints as a whole as they matched up against a Tampa Bay defense that was looking to put some hurt on a decimated New Orleans offense. I am not looking at Jameis’ 3 interceptions as a return to the ‘old Jameis’ but rather the results of playing behind and with a greatly injured back. Saints go to Charlotte and leave 2-0 on the road this year.
Bills -6 You saw the Monday Night game. I don’t even know who they are playing this week and it really doesn’t matter because I’m riding the Bills until the wheels fall off.
Eagles -6.5 What a difference a change of scenery has made for A.J. Brown. The former Titan is fitting in quite well with his new team despite not finding the end zone yet. I have a feeling this is the week that changes. Carson Wentz has been playing a high level this season so far but faces an Eagles defense that has forced an NFC high 4 interceptions.
Chiefs -6.5 Many had this game circled on the schedule before the season began but the Colts have stumbled out of the gate and have not looked good at all in their first two games. I do not see their luck improving any this week as a hungry Kansas City team comes to Indy to keep the ponies’ winless streak going.
Michigan -16.5 Granted Maryland comes into this matchup 3-0 and have outscored their opponents 121-58 but those lopsided wins have come against SMU, Charlotte, and Buffalo who are 3-7 combined. The Wolverines come into this game ranked #4 in the nation and only giving up 5.7 points per game.

STONEY’S PICKS

I hope you didn’t bite on my Titans +10.5 pick. I never saw the line get up that high so I stayed away from it, but sheesh. That was awful, and it absolutely removes the Titans from any bet consideration in sound judgment. Nonetheless, McCash and I have stacked a couple of winning weekends in a row, and while I can’t believe how quickly the time is passing (we’re already a quarter of the way through the college season!), it’s time to keep that train rolling.

West Virginia -2.5 – I know we highly value home field advantage in college football, but this just feels like a total mismatch between offenses. West Virginia is a surprising 1-2, but they could easily be 3-0. More importantly, they’re averaging 46 points per game. No matter what Virginia Tech is able to do defensively, I don’t see them being able to keep up with the Mountaineers on the scoreboard.
Michigan State +3 – I know Minnesota is lighting up the scoreboard, but they’re 3-0 against nobodies. The Spartans are at home, and they need a win to stay in the race in the ultra competitive Big Ten East. I’m not buying the Golden Gophers hype just yet.
Tennessee -10.5 – A lot of money comin’ in on Florida in this spot. I’d imagine casual bettors are looking at that line and thinking “EASY MONEY,” but man, if the Vols offense executes to its potential, I don’t see the same explosiveness coming out of the Gators offense in Knoxville.
Dolphins +6 – Two of the three best teams in the AFC right now, and I’m taking the Dolphins at home here. In part, because of something McCash said – it doesn’t matter who they’re playing. That’s exactly what Vegas hopes you’re all thinking, and I’m not picking on McCash here either…it’s everyone! There has been a FLOOD of money coming in on Buffalo ATS this week. *shrugs* I’m just saying… In all seriousness, I think the Dolphins offense is actually built to exploit the weaknesses in that Bills defense that is down one of the best corners in the league. Mike McDaniel is scheming his ass off. The Dolphins are at home. Tua Tagovailoa is one of the best quarterbacks in the league right now. I think this is a stunner – the Dolphins announce their arrival on the big stage.
Giants -1 vs. Cowboys – This Giants team is way more well-coached than they’ve been in awhile, and there’s something about the way Brian Daboll is making the most of his personnel match-ups that has this Giants team finding ways to win. Andrew Thomas and Saquon Barkley are having great seasons so far. I think they’ll run it down Dallas’ throat on Monday Night Football.

SEASON STATS

Steven last week: (4-1)
Steven’s 2021 W-L: (8-10) – 44.4%
Stoney last week: (3-2)
Stoney’s 2022 W-L: (12-7) – 63.2%
SoBros last week: (7-3) – 70%
SoBros 2022 W-L: (20-17) – 54%

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley