Mount Rushmore of Foods for Southerners to Eat in New Jersey

Stoney Keeley lists four things that every southerner has to try should they ever find themselves in New Jersey.

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If you’ve been keeping up with SoBros Network for awhile now, then you already know that I married a Jersey girl. That’s no secret. But, if you just happened to stumble upon this post via Google or something like that, hi, I’m Stoney. I’m from Nashville, Tennessee, and I married a woman from New Jersey. On average, we spend about 3-4 weeks in the Garden State each year visiting family. I love it up there. Even from my first impression, I’ve thought that the state gets a bad rap, though my wife would always remind me, “I’ve only taken you to the good spots.” It’s less humid. I can actually breathe the air in the summer time. And, fall is beautiful up there. No matter where you are, you’re within walking distance of a bar or liquor store. It’s great. Every time we go up, we have a list of certain foods that we absolutely have to get before we leave because we just can’t get the same quality back home.

That’s probably the thing that surprised me most. I wasn’t expecting there to be a meat-and-three on every corner or anything, but to see how much the local cuisine could vary from what we’re used to down here in just a 14-hour drive was surprising. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve explained to someone what a meat-and-three is, and yes, every time my wife tells them “they count mac and cheese as a vegetable in the South,” a look of surprise washes over their face. I saw a BBQ joint when we were driving around once and asked my wife if we could try it out, to which she replied, “you don’t want the BBQ up here.” We’ve been together for 12 years now and I’ve still never eaten at that BBQ joint. Mount Juliet also has a Mexican restaurant every 50 feet,

So, in thinking of the differences between the two cuisines, I decided to fire up the SoBros Network engine, and write a piece about it. Below, I’ve highlighted four foods that you absolutely have to eat should you ever find yourself in New Jersey, because you just can’t get the same quality back here in Nashville. Oh, and yeah…the featured image on this post is me creeping out of The Bagel Nook in Freehold with a bag of bagels because I’ve never slowed down to snap a photo of dinner.

Pork Roll

Some people get mad at you if you call it ‘Taylor ham.’ Some people get mad at you if you call it ‘pork roll.’ I don’t know how we’ve divided these lines, but I’m just a bystander here. I don’t want to get caught up in your breakfast meat wars. I just want to eat the stuff. It’s salty. It’s savory. Honestly, my wife won’t want to hear this, but it’s like eating a more thinly sliced Spam, and as a kid that grew up on Spam, I love it. Why isn’t the rest of the world consuming pork roll? How did that become just a Jersey thing? It’s one of life’s greatest mysteries, but it doesn’t curb my appetite for the stuff one bit.

Shoutouts: I consulted with my father in law on this one, because he’s the one that always shows up to our gatherings with a bag of pork roll for us, and my wife and I don’t always know where it comes from – FaNagle the Bagel in Monmouth Beach, Slater’s Deli in Leonardo, Barnacle Bill’s in Rumson

Pizza

There’s good pizza here in Nashville. I don’t want this to turn into a bashing of Nashville’s food scene – I love Calabria and Salvo’s out here east of town. I love Emmy Squared. I love Five Points. But, none of it is the same as the real deal NY style pizza you get in the Northeast. There are a ton of the chain pizza spots down here – I’ve got a Domino’s, Papa John’s, Pizza Hut, Little Caesar’s, Jet’s, and Marco’s within a stone’s throw of me. Up there, it’s different – you’ve got a mom and pop family-owned pizza spot on every corner, and they’ve been making the best pizza you’ve ever had for decades. Totally built different. I can hear the echoes of “it’s the water” as I type this, but the real deal is unlike anything you can get down here easily.

Shoutouts: Federici’s Family Restaurant in Freehold

Chinese

My options for Chinese food near my house are the buffet, Panda Express, and Fulin’s. When we lived in Hermitage, our nearest spot got caught washing their equipment in the lake. Another one had a roach infestation. Tough scene. Tough scene, indeed. That should explain the quality of the Chinese food around Nashville pretty well. My wife always told me they had better Chinese food in New Jersey, but when I tried it for the first time, I couldn’t believe how much better it was than what we have down here. It was a whole new world.

Shoutouts: Sultan Wok Englishtown, Sultan Wok Matawan

Bagels

I’m not kidding, but the Jersey Oven opened out here in Mount Juliet, the only place around that you could get a bagel was Panera Bread. Hell, I don’t think I had my first bagel until I was a teenager and saw one at the Starbucks inside Barnes & Noble in Opry Mills (shout out to the old folks who remember when Opry Mills had a Barnes & Noble). Even today, good bagels are hard to come by unless you’re close enough to frequent the Jersey Oven. Nashville has a couple of boutique-y bagel shops, but it’s nothing like the scene in New Jersey, where neon signs promote bagels on every street corner. And, they’re better – plain and simple. Like the pizza, I’m sure it has something to do with the dough and the water used to make it. Whatever it is, it’s hard to come by here in Tennessee.

Shoutouts: Bagel Time in Matawan, The Bagel Nook in Freehold

I’ve also got to give an Honorable Mention to Dunkin’ Donuts here too – there really is a difference. I have had some dirt ass nasty coffee at Dunkin’ down here, but up there, it’s a craft that I appreciate. They simply do not miss.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.

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