Let’s face it – every day we are routinely bombarded with questions. When you’re an emerging media company in Nashville, people just want to know what your opinions are on everything. It’s only natural. And, since our duty is to serve the people, well, we have no choice but to be present. That’s the SoBro Way. Also, aren’t mailbags just a barrel of laughs anyway? Welcome to the newest weekly recurring feature up in this bitch: The SoBros Mailbag. As always, hit us with those mailbag questions @SoBrosNetwork on Twitter, email ’em to me anonymously at thesobrosnetwork@gmail.com. And, holy shit, I need to update this terrible intro paragraph that I’ve been using literally ever since I started writing this column…
Question, from Brett on Tik Tok:
You get $10M, but every year, Randy Johnson, in his prime, finds you and throws a baseball at you…
Answer:
I’m taking the $10M and I’m taking my lumps once a year. Yes, I’ve seen the bird video. I don’t care. I’m taking the money – this is what capitalism has bred within us.
Question:
Can you rank the top 3 Titans twitter dramas (in your opinion)? This most recent affair could break into the top 3
— Canadian Titan (@Canadian_Titan) September 14, 2023
Answer:
Generally speaking, I think I do a good job of staying out of the mud. There have been times I’ve seen some of my colleagues vaguely allude to something, so I’ll shoot ’em a text or DM like “WTF is this?” and honestly, that’s how I catch up on Titans Twitter drama more often than not. Maybe it’s because it’s so fresh on my mind, but this recent TitansTonk account deletion day was pretty wild. I don’t know that you’d call that ‘drama,’ but holy shit, I couldn’t believe my eyes nonetheless. Second has to be the Kiwi day. That was one of those days I saw people tweeting like crazy and thought “wait – what the hell have I missed? Oh……OH…” But, for me, it’ll never get any better than the banner run we had with the ‘Tennessee Tickle Monsters’ nickname and how pissed people got about that. The fact that it made it all the way to Jeffery Simmons in a press conference is insane to me, even still to this day. The fact that so many people got so defensive about that nickname made it so funny to me. I couldn’t help myself. I still say “tickle tickle” from time to time. I’m laughing just typing this. How can anyone possibly take that so seriously? It was hilarious – the more pissed people got, the more I tried to drop it in conversations. Anyway, honorable mention to me telling all of y’all how shitty of a movie Blade is.
Question:
What were the top 3 worst smells you’ve experienced and were you the creator of any of them?
— Robert Greenlaw (@RobOnBroadway) September 14, 2023
Answer:
One time, when we were in college, Brandon farted and it smelled so bad that I threw up. That comes to mind right away. There was a time I was flying back from San Francisco, and on the descent, the lady next to me threw up into that brown paper bag. I could smell it, and I’m the type that if I see or smell puke, I’m immediately going to puke. I was fighting for my life to keep from vomiting on that play, and I can still smell that lady’s puke to this day. But, I held on and didn’t vomit. Third…I don’t know…I always think about my childhood and going go to visit a relative who had sulfur water. You ever smelled that stuff? Yikes. Imagine showering in a steamy liquid that smells like rotten eggs.
Question:
Richard Nixon vs 13 8 year olds in a game of Scrabble with common slang being allowed as words
— Joel (@propjoelsays) September 14, 2023
Answer:
If I die, and people look at my Google search history, they’re going to see “was Richard Nixon good at Scrabble?” and think “WTF?” Is it just because he’s considered to be a pretty smart guy? ‘Cause I don’t think he’d be able to keep up with the slang these days.
Question:
If you were forced to go back and live in the Middle Ages, what is one thing that you would bring with you to make your life easier?
— Rooster (@Rooster_Chase) September 14, 2023
Answer:
I thought about answering this with “my cat,” and then I started giggling at myself pretty hard. I knew you’d appreciate that because it’s so dumb. If I just went back to the Middle Ages and took nothing but my cat, I would be dead in two days. Can you imagine? How dumb would that be? I love it. The popular answer is “my phone,” but that phone wouldn’t do jack shit without a network. Honestly, I hate to say it, but life was a lot more brutal back then, so I might just take a gun to protect myself. Of course, I have no idea how to operate a gun, so that would probably get me killed in a couple of days too. Maybe I’d take antibiotics back in time. I don’t know. Maybe I’d take a microwave.
Question:
Would you rather wake-up covered in someone elses vomit all over you, or wake-up to find you've shit your pants with explosive Diarrhea
— Football & Other F Words (@FWordsPod) September 14, 2023
Answer:
I can’t do bodily fluids in general, much less someone else’s. I’m going to shit my pants 10/10 times because at least it’s my own bodily fluid….though I will say, I’d be pretty concerned about the longterm health of the mattress after that.
Question, from E on Instagram:
I am once again asking your thoughts on the evolving alien conspiracy.
Answer:
People are being too lax about this shit. I don’t know if this has been a strategic ploy by world governments to just kind of ease us into exposure to extraterrestrial life or what, but like damn. We’ve pretty much confirmed that there’s shit flying around our sky that we don’t know what the fuck it is over the last couple of years, and people just keep scrolling on their phones. Let’s stop and think about the crisis this presents! Maybe we’re all just numb to it. Maybe this is just some sort of glitch in the matrix. The simulation is busted. I don’t know. I’m not saying we need to start doomsday prepping or anything, but can we at least have a conversation about what we’re gonna do here?
Keep the questions coming – catch y’all next week!
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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