How Would We Fare in the Florida Man Games?

Beer belly sumo wrestling has Stoney Keeley's name written all over it.

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I’m a big fan of leaning into things. Just in general. There’s something savvy about identifying a sweet spot where you can just burrow right in and capitalize on something. The “Florida man” trope has become quite popular over the last decade or so, and one group in Florida is leveraging that into something called “The Florida Man Games.” Props to WSMV for throwing this up on their website and alerting Steven McCash to it, who then posted it in our #articleideas Slack channel for me to write about. TEAMWORK!

I knew as soon as I saw what this shindig was all about, I had to do some deep digging into it. There’s no telling how many stories I’ve posted on this website about “Florida man” throughout the years. I like to think that I helped embed the terminology at least in our little community here. But, the trope never seems to fail. That’s why I remind people that clichés become clichés for a reason! “Florida man” is no different, and I for one commend this group for leaning into it and creating The Florida Man Games. It sounds like a real gauntlet.

According to their website, events include a weaponized pool noodle mud duel (I feel like I’ve already been in a few of those in my day if you know what I mean), an evading arrest obstacle course, the category 5 cash grab, a catalytic converter, two bikes, and a handful of copper pipes race against time, beer belly Florida sumo, and more. There’s also going to be a mullet contest, and a Florida ma’am pinup contest. The main event is the 911 Fight Night, which…and I can’t believe I’m typing this…is a boxing gauntlet between police officers and firefighters. I don’t know about you guys, but this sounds like it’s exactly my cup of tea. I can’t think of a better way to spend a day as a matter of fact. I love competition. I love doing stupid stuff. What better way to marry the two?!!?

So, it begs the question: how would you fare in The Florida Man Games? I like to think I could hold my own, but that could be my own inflated sense of self-confidence coming into play. The beer belly sumo has my name written all over it. I think that’s probably my best chance at winning. I have bad knees, and I’m drastically out of shape compared to where I was 15 years ago. So, I doubt I’m going to be evading any sort of arrests. I can’t even remember the last time I tried to jump a fence, and honestly, the thought of trying it again in the year 2023 is quite intimidating. But, you put me on the opposite end of the circle from another big beefy hunk, and I’m guaranteeing we’ll slap some meat.

Regardless of what you think about this, we can’t deny that The Florida Man Games has a great PR team. This shit’s made it all the way up to Tennessee…which gives me an idea. Someone needs to get in the lab and cook up The Broadway Games here in Nashville. There’s a million dollar idea if I ever heard of one.

For more on The Florida Man Games, taking place on February 24th, 2024 in St. Augustine, check out their website.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.

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