I just simply can’t believe we’re on the TENTH year of Ridiculously Fabricated Bowl Names. It’s honestly one of my favorite pieces we run every year. Just because it’s so absurd and fun, but I don’t think I’ll ever write a better intro than I did several years ago, so let me trot that out again for 2023:
College football is weird, man. Not only can you not have a winning season and make it to a bowl game, but the millions of dollars floating around these games have created some pretty interesting names for the bowls themselves. There’s The Famous Idaho Potato Bowl, The Dollar General Bowl, The Motel 6 Cactus Bowl, and The Nova Home Loans Arizona Bowl just to name a few. Those are real bowl names, too!
We haven’t even started listing our fake bowl names. That is real – and it’s a testament to the power of the dollar.
For the right price, you could slap any name on any bowl game, and ESPN and the NCAA would run with it. How else do you think the AdvoCare V100 Texas Bowl came to fruition?
So, yeah – what we’re doing here is providing a little bit of humor to get you through your work day. But, it’s also a bit of social commentary on the absurdity of the 80+ college football bowl games we’re getting ready to witness. It’s my favorite piece of the year.
On top of all of that, they hand out some really odd trophies. “Congrats on the fine season! Here’s this giant, polished BOWL OF ORANGES!” That tradition is made even weirder by the fact that the head coach, MVP, or someone usually starts taking the oranges out of the bowl and throwing them around to teammates. When did this become a thing?
Yeah – it’s crazy, but let’s cut the bullshit and get down to brass tacks – what follows is literally just a list of made-up bowl games. So, if you’re not into that, best be GTFO right now.
RIDICULOUSLY FABRICATED BOWL NAMES, YEAR 10
- The Panda Express Urinary Bowl
- The Combover Classic brought to you by the United States Postal Service
- The Fansly Backshots Bowl
- The Tarred and Feathered Bowl sponsored by Golden Corral (losing coach literally gets tarred and feathered)
- The Hulu Bowl brought to you by The Hula Bowl
- The Fred Flintstone Bedrock Shootout sponsored by Flintstone Vitamins
- The Jersey Mike’s Road Dome Bowl
- The Fuck Cancer Bowl sponsored by The Heisman Trust
- The Wing Stop Louisiana Purchase Bowl
- The Belgian Chocolate from Belgium Hygiene Bowl
- The Philadelphia Eagles present The Dark Matter Research Bowl
- The Dale Earnhardt Intimidator Bowl sponsored by Sears
- The Moon Pie Seasonal Depression Awareness Bowl
- The Denny’s Salute to Service Bowl also sponsored by Sean McDermott
- The Electronic Express Pigskin Fuckfest Classic
- The Smoky Mountain Jell-O Bowl (played at Dollywood with a layer of Jell-O over the field)
- The Craftsman Tool Bowl in Guam
- The Healthy Colon Bowl brought to you by Little Debbie
- The Symphony Bowl brought to you by the ‘for your consideration’ campaign of Maestro
- The World’s Largest Cock Ring Party brought to you by Urban Meyer
If you haven’t already, be sure to go subscribe to the College Football Roundup Podcast, on which Steven McCash and myself break down all the action from the college football world and look ahead to the week to come.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
Subscribe to the SoBros Network Patreon here – $5/month gets you instant access to an exhaustive content library of articles, podcasts, and videos created exclusively for our subscribers!
