Let’s face it – whether I love it or hate it, nothing on SoBros Network works like our drinking games. I’m beginning to think that that’s all some of y’all come to our site for. Nonetheless, it’s a tradition unlike any other. Ever since getting sloshed and watching the Chiefs beat the Eagles, I’ve eagerly anticipated the next Super Bowl Sunday, when I could sit, drink, watch football, and go on the emotional roller coaster that is the inevitable realization that football will be gone from my life for the next six months. I’m sorry that took a dark turn. I sound a bit depressed, and perhaps I am, but this should be a joyous occasion.
So, let’s get to work – we pride ourselves on being the official unofficial king of the drinking game. We write ’em for all the big football weekends, and for all of the big pro wrestling shows. Shit, couldn’t you just feel the testosterone in that last sentence?
Anyway, Super Bowl 58 – its the Kansas City Chiefs and it’s the San Francisco 49ers. The 49ers are currently favored by 2.5 points, with a point total set at over/under of 47.5. So, it looks like it’s going to be a close one from Allegiant Stadium in Las Vegas. LFG!
Super Bowl 58 Drinking Game
Take a drink if/when…
- They show Taylor Swift on screen.
- Anyone mentions that Brock Purdy was a 7th round pick. Double drink if they specifically say “Mr. Irrelevant.”
- Either team’s defense registers a takeaway.
- Either team’s defense registers a sack.
- Purdy or Patrick Mahomes throws a touchdown.
- Travis Kelce or George Kittle catches a pass.
- Brandon Aiyuk runs a dig route.
- Isaiah Pacheco or Christian McCaffrey amasses 10 yards rushing. Yes, this works like fantasy points…one drink for every 10 rushing yards by either player.
- Someone mentions that this is the 4th Super Bowl in 5 years for the Chiefs.
- Rashee Rice touches the football.
- Deebo Samuel touches the football.
- L’Jarius Sneed makes a tackle, breaks up a pass, or gets a turnover. Double drink if they mention he’s an impending free agent.
- Fred Warner, Dre Greenlaw, or Nick Bolton registers a tackle.
- You see a State Farm commercial with Andy Reid in it.
- We hear about the Kyle Shanahan “coaching tree.”
TAKE A SHOT IF/WHEN…
- You hear the term ‘Middle Tennessee State’ or ‘MTSU’ during the broadcast – MTSU has three former players in this game, and has had a representative in the Super Bowl for five consecutive years now. Might as well call it the MTSUper Bowl. Go Blue Raiders.
- Kadarius Toney is actually on the field. Two shots if he catches a pass. Three if he scores a touchdown.
- Anyone scores a touchdown of 50+ yards.
- Either team converts a 4th down.
- Either team scores a defensive or special teams touchdown.
- Finally, raise a glass of your poison of choice and do a shot at the end of the game, no matter the outcome. Cheers to another fun football season in the books!
As always, folks. Have fun, but stay safe and drink responsibly. If you drink, don’t drive. Do the watermelon crawl.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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