You ever feel like all the cool new discoveries are well behind us? We just barely missed the discovery of dinosaurs. The fossils weren’t officially discovered and described until 1824, which really isn’t that long ago. Then, we went from traveling on horseback, to zooming around the skies in metal tubes in an extremely short amount of time. And we all know how quickly the internet launched us into a new level of life.
Just as it seemed the cool-new-stuff-phase had plateaued, I was watching our neighbor’s mules and thought “Man, humans put two different species together and successfully made a new one…have we even tried that with anything else?” Surely, more interspecies mingling has been attempted…right?
I understand you already assume I’m an idiot, and you’re likely correct, but hear me out. Do you really think scientists have tried everything? I mean seriously, a horse and a donkey somehow make an even more powerful animal…how awesome is that and why aren’t we pushing for more of this?
I mean, maybe this is where mythical creatures come from. Perhaps a lonely caveman became intimate with a bear one night and created the Sasquatch. Maybe there was a similar situation with a horse and then Centaurs were made, but surely there’s been enough “scientific research” with Donkey Shows to disprove this possibility. I’m not sure how the logistics of a unicorn and a dolphin would work, but wildly enough NARWHALS ARE AN ACTUAL CREATURE STILL ALIVE TODAY! And maybe, just maybe, jackalopes were once a real thing also.
In all seriousness, I’m sure everything that could be attempted has been done so…by “scientists” of course. But isn’t it fun to consider the world of possibilities? I think so. I even asked our team here their thoughts on the subject and they put some pretty delicious…errr I mean interesting combinations out there.
ChickenDuck – This one is pretty easy to imagine, surely a potential crossover exists in a lab. I assume this would produce much better eggs, as well as allow for a larger range of cooking options & texture of meat. I’d eat it. It was also pointed out this is essentially just the famous concoction from football legend John Madden: The Turducken.
FrogGator – Now, this one is slightly frightening. Is it a gator that can jump ten feet at a time, or a frog with a hundred teeth? Either way, I’m staying away from that swamp.
PigSnake – I feel like there are many possibilities with this one. I’m picturing a long, skinny, pink pig just slithering around in the mud…just one massive tenderloin ready to go. Or an extremely flexible hog that coils around stuff. But also, there’s the terrifying image of a pig-shaped animal with snake skin. I don’t know where I land on this one.
CricketReuben – Well, since Reuben is a corned beef sandwich…I assume this was intended to be the final product of a cricket and a cow, which is hilarious. Can you imagine trying to wrangle a herd of CricketCows? Rodeos would be much more difficult, that’s for sure. I’d eat it.
ScallopPig – This one is right up my alley. I don’t like the visual of what this would look like as an animal, or how it would copulate, but damn would it taste delicious. Think about the variety of cuts a pig has to offer…now replace that with delicious scallops. No surprise here, I’d eat it.
MusselSteak – Similar to the ScallopPig, this one is fun. Is it a cow the size of a mussel, or a massive mollusk in the form of a cow? I don’t know, but there’s a one hundred percent chance of me eating it.
BisonLobster – Clearly we went down a surf & turf rabbit hole, but I’m here for it. Picture a BisonLobster minding its own business, just using its claws to graze the prairies. Now imagine that bad-boy skewered up next to a ten gallon bucket of dipping-butter. It takes three guys to break open the claw with a hydraulic cracking device. I’m in.
I hope you enjoyed this ridiculous article, and please…don’t try to make any new species.
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