In our never ending quest to provide all of our readers with relatable, ‘slice of life’ style content, we here at the SoBros Network feel the time to weigh in on social commentary has officially come. It’s once again time for me, Big Natural, to open up the leather-bound parchment pages of the annals of history. Put on your plush robe, light your pipe, start a fire, and get ready for deep contemplation. This is the as-often-as-I-remember-to-write-it column: Forgotten Treasures of Americana. Today, we will be looking back at the greatest sport of a generation that no one talks about: Slamball.
Slamball has to be one of if not the best worst idea in the history of television. For the uninitiated, the contest was basically a more aggressive form of regular basketball – players could hit the shit out of each other. At times, it was like watching a hockey game. But, the real distinguishing feature of Slamball was the fact that they put FOUR TRAMPOLINES under each goal.
As a kid, it looked like the coolest thing in the world. You could get some serious air and then hit the slam dunk like you were on a poster. I don’t know why we had such a fascination with heights when we were kids, but we did. The higher you could get the better – Shane McMahon falling off the TitanTron….people flying like a rocket in Slamball…that was 100% our shit back in the day.
How you cook up this idea, I have no idea. Apparently, creator Mason Gordon wanted to create a real-life video game. Well, Mason – you succeeded. This shit didn’t seem like real life. It seemed like a drug-induced fever dream. It’s like the first person that thought, “hey – what if we put shoes on a dog?” Entertainment gold.
“What if we put trampolines down under the goals?”
Young people love trampolines. It’s just a proven fact. Trampoline parks wouldn’t exist in 2020 if young people didn’t love ’em. Let’s just ignore all the times people break bones on trampolines. Man, my ankles are hurting just thinking about playing this game. Not to mention the fact that there were car-wreck-esque hits when dudes were wearing minimal padding and protection.
I didn’t realize that Slamball was such a brutal and impactful game, but these streets are tough, I guess.
My favorite story involving the sport? When our resident film critic, Brandon Vick, would tell the other kids at high school that his dad played Slamball. Never elaborated. Never told ’em he was joking. Nothing. There’s a whole group of kids that went on through their lives thinking Brandon’s dad played Slamball for a living. Comedy gold.
FORGOTTEN TREASURES OF AMERICANA ARCHIVES
3D Doritos
3OH!3
AIM
American Gladiators
The Basilisk
The Bermuda Triangle
Braided Belts
Citizen’s Arrest
Hasbro WWF Action Figures
Homework
Mama’s Family
Muppet Treasure Island
Playing Outside
Quicksand
Surge
That Marilyn Manson rumor…
The Super Soaker 50
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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