In our never ending quest to provide all of our readers with relatable, ‘slice of life’ style content, we here at the SoBros Network feel the time to weigh in on social commentary has officially come. It’s once again time for me, Big Natural, to open up the leather-bound parchment pages of the annals of history. Put on your plush robe, light your pipe, start a fire, and get ready for deep contemplation. This is the as-often-as-I-remember-to-write-it column: Forgotten Treasures of Americana. Today, we are going to be remembering what it was like to sit and dine under the open skies (kind of) at Wendy’s back in the 1990s.
I know it’s a common thread throughout these Forgotten Treasures of Americana pieces…as in…like…yeah, that’s the whole reason I started writing these things…but I miss the good old days. I miss way back when all it took to please me was a trip to KB Toys at Hickory Hollow Mall and a stop at some greasy fast food on the way home. Taco Bell, McDonald’s, Krystal – all were favorites of mine, and probably honestly, they’re also the reason I’m pushing 300 pounds to this day.
But, to me, nothing felt like more of an adventure than going to Wendy’s and sitting in that sun room area. Don’t remember what I’m talking about? Thankfully, doctor worm here on Twitter shared a blast from the past photo about a couple months ago. Let’s relive it.
getting killed mafia style in the old Wendy’s pic.twitter.com/RTPGlYpAGP
— doctor worm (@awaitingtrial) April 6, 2022
Man, it is all coming back to me now. I can feel that warm carpet beneath my feet. I can remember the vivid greens of the most lush forestry. I can feel one of those tables wobbling (anyone that ever ate at a 1990s Wendy’s knows for a fact there’s at least one wobbly table in every restaurant). And, I can even still smell the old, warm ketchup that is inevitably staining the trash receptacle. That shit used to make me gag every time I went to throw away our garbage.
And mentally, I am still here. I am still sitting in a 1990s Wendy’s solarium….stoked out of my mind that I just scooped up the Jakks Superstars Series 7 X-Pac after looking for that thing for months. I’m planning what X-Pac is going to do in my figure fed when I get home. I’m starting to think of the other action figures I’m going to have him wrestle. I’m grateful that my mom has taken me out on a school night because she knows how long I’ve been looking for this particular action figure. That is literally all that’s on my mind. Simpler times, man…I tell ya…simpler times.
We don’t do that with fast food anymore. There are times that I still scoop my mother up for a quick dinner. We’ll go to Taco Bell for old times sake, and there’s no one in that place. It’s a veritable ghost town. It’s usually dirty, quiet, and it takes awhile to get our food. I guess everyone is so focused on driving through these days that dining in at fast food restaurants has gone the way of the dinosaur. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not advocating that we bring it back. Most fast food establishments are indeed gross. I’m just saying that even if you wanted to relive the experience of 1990s fast food dining, you can’t. Oh, and Wendy’s redid everything and doesn’t have a solarium anymore – that’s important to note too. This paragraph is simply me reconciling with the fact that I will never get to experience that feeling again. I’ll get us back on track just long enough so we can get out of here – don’t worry.
To this day, the 1990s Wendy’s solarium could very well be the closest I’ll ever get within my lifetime to dining alfresco. Some might think that’s sad, but I’m actually very much okay with that. Pour one out.
FORGOTTEN TREASURES OF AMERICANA ARCHIVES
- The 2004 Quiznos Commercial
- 3D Doritos
- 3OH!3
- AIM
- American Gladiators
- The Basilisk
- The Bermuda Triangle
- Braided Belts
- Casey Kasem
- Citizen’s Arrest
- Gadzooks
- Hammocks In Centennial Park
- Hasbro WWF Action Figures
- Homework
- JNCO
- Mama’s Family
- Micro Machines
- Muppet Treasure Island
- Playing Outside
- Pogs
- Quicksand
- Slamball
- SNICK
- Surge
- That Marilyn Manson rumor…
- The California Raisins
- The Midnight Snack
- The Super Soaker 50
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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